Friends?

When I was six my best friend was Matthew (8) and we played house and when we said it was nighttime we laid down on his bed and when "morning" came I told him to wake up but he wouldn't and I tried everything then he said "kiss me" so I kissed his cheek but then he said "kiss me on the lips" so I hesitently kissed him. He gave me a note that said "I love you". 3 years later (I was nine)I fell completly in love with him but I don't think he liked me anymore. Now I'm 12 and I still like him but I can't tell him because I'm quite shy and he's quite popular. I also don't see him that much as we now go to different schools. He is one of my neighbours but I can't just go over and we live in the middle of nowhere! So what do I do? The other thing is I also like a boy in my form at school called Brian (he's also a good friend of mine since September). And one day lots of our friends started saying we should go out but the thing is I always pretend I'm replused by the thought of anything more than friends to anyone whether I am or not. Please help! Brian is now going out with my (sort of) friend Melissa but I'm not sure how long it will last. Then this evening my friend Caoimhe (pronounced Queeva) whispered in my ear ' Brian likes you, he told me' she then (after a minute) said she was only joking. Matthew is a family friend still and I did try to tell him how I felt but my nerve failed at the last minute. Several times. The thing is I'm not sure if I like him that much anymore. It was FOUR years ago that I fell in love all of which I was not his friend and now Brian is my friend and I really enjoy his company. I think (but I 'm not sure) that it feels like Matthew is my cousin or something. Brian's best friend is Jack and he is also my friend so I see Jack quite a lot and now people are saying that Jack and I should go out, rather than a few weeks ago when they were saying Brian and I should go out. I look at Brian quite a lot and unfortuntly Jack sits next to Brian in a lot of classes and so people might think I am looking at Jack when I'm actually looking at Brian.