What do I do?

I am a Bangali girl of 14. I am a love believer. So my crush machine is always opened. But one day, in my coaching, something unbelieviable happened. A new teacher came, and questioned me about my homework. I never write homework by copying. So I got annyoed and promised my self that I would make him down at every step. But after a few months, this aversion began to go away, but I couldn't understand. One day he said that I was his most favorite student, I was amazed, yeah I am a brilliant sutdent, but the other competetors are more brilliant than me. Then this year, at march 17, we started to talk in phone, about some crush problems he was having given by my friends, i was just helping him. But we both didn't notice when we became best friends. We were very close, very. I could share everything him, and so he did. I used to call him everyday and talk for hours, he would also do that. He was very caring, possessive and good-natured for me. But we were only bestest friends, never lovers. One day I told him about my love for him, he said that it's not possible cause his mom wants that he marries the girl whom she choices. So he wants to do that. And besides we share 9 years age gap. He has become 23 yesteray. He went to his home for some days as his mom was ill, I was sending his sms-es, unfortunately, his father got hold of them and read them. He was outraged with anger. He scolded my friend a lot. And snatched his mobile, sim everything from him. So I only had an option, talk with him, over another sim. But he forbade that. i started to feel so disgusted that I suicided. But I was saved. Then one day, I sms-ed him that it's not possible anymore to have contacts when he's having so problems because of me. But I wrote that we would always remain best friends forever. but after that he used to cut my phone. I had to call him for some problems he was about ot face in coaching, just making him aware, I thought it as my duty. I knew that he was about to get married. Then after my 2nd term exam I called him. He said that he had got engaged with a girl of his mother's choice. And he can't say no because her mother's ill and father
s blackmailing him. So I said that marry her, if she is of your choice. my heart was cringing out, I have sried a lot for him since my friendship breakup. But I didn't want to bind him with my problems, I have already given him a lot of problems. So I did a heinous thing. i messaged him, said that I hate him and he's not a thing to me. This is not true. I only did that to make him happy. robably e is tension free now, celebrating his bday with his fiancee, but I am here, very sick, in my deathbed. I want to die I don't want to live without him. I still dream of me getting married with him, I still think of this possibility. What do I do? I love him! I miss him like hell, please give me some advice, hopes please very quickly or I'm going to suicide again, and this time I won't survive. I promise you that.